Aug. 6th, 2010

Ugh...

This week has been... well, ugh.

In mundane things, yesterday I went out for dinner after work, and, instead of heading to the mall and eating at the same half-dozen places there that make up my normal restaurant options*, I walked down the hill into Collegetown to eat there. Maybe 15 minutes and downhill. Anyway, things were fine until right before my entree came, I noticed my wallet was missing. I remembered I had it during lunch, when I bought food on campus, so I reasoned I probably didn't put it in my bag when I left campus.

I told the waitress and asked if I could leave my bag -- with my cell phone and my backup hard drive from work, so something I'd have to come back for -- and go get my wallet. I did so -- a half hour round trip in the heat, and this time I had to head uphill.

Needless to say, by the time I returned, I was exhausted and felt that, my diet to the contrary, I was going to have a giant slice of baklava. Needless to say, the only reason I didn't freak out and was able to come up with an actual plan was probably because of the anti-anxiety drugs. It had a lot of elements that stress me the hell out, in that it involved people and my shoddy memory.

(I doubled my normal tip. People shouldn't have to put up with my bullshit, and I did take up a table for an extra half hour while I went to get things.)

Anyway, today I had to get bloodwork done as a checkup, since I'm on meds that may lead to weight gain, and my psychiatrist wants to make sure that my anxiety and depression stay in the realm of 'probably brain stuff plus stress' rather than 'thyroid/vitamin D/etc.'. Since a lipid count was needed, it meant I had to fast for 12 hours. So, no tea in the morning. Add to that the fact I had spent 45 minutes walking up and down the hill yesterday, and I was a bit dehydrated, and the phlebotomist lost the vein on her first attempt and had to switch arms.

Plus the lack of caffeine had me coming home for 'a short nap' that lasted most of the afternoon, instead of doing my revisions. Which means I'll probably have to devote an afternoon to science over the weekend.

Overall, I'd say my mood is running low, which means I have to enforce a lot more discipline than I normally want to. It explains the going out to eat a lot, since I am very likely to think even re-heating food is too much effort, and I am out of clean dishes. (Cleaning is also too much effort.) Since when I'm like this, usually either I try to live on cereal and snacks (and PB sandwiches) or I spend extra money and go out for food a lot, I figure it's better to bite the bullet and head out.

I'm fine once I get going on things -- yesterday, I got three sections revised on my papers -- but a lot of the current stuff has me going 'fuck it all' and wandering off to play clicky games on Facebook.

I don't know what it is. It could be PMS, lack of exercise, stress, the need to adjust my meds... I hope it goes away soon. If it's still like this at my next psychiatrist appointment, I'll talk to her about it.

* Food court, local bakery/sandwich place, chain barely-above-fast-food**, Japanese food chain, American food chain, local steakhouse. There's also a Pizza Hut and a McDonalds, but if I really want pizza, there's a local place that's maybe two blocks from my house.

** Friendly's. It's barely above fast food in that you sit down and there's waiters and stuff. But it's definitely on the cheap end -- the main selling point is that I can get ice cream with my meal.
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