Becca Stareyes

I was all set to spend today cleaning, except then I developed the headache from Hades after going to the grocery store -- the same one that kept me in on Halloween. It's gone now, but it was enough that all I got done was spending the afternoon passed out on my bed asleep*.

Well, and a drabble. Added a new fandom to 'stuff I have written' -- yay for drabbles about book fandoms. (Suddenly you see why I took to Yuletide like a duck to water -- writing for odd fandoms is one of my favorite things to do.)

I am not adapting to the early darkness at all. For an astronomer, I sure hate the dark. No, that's not quite true. I like the dark when it comes on after I eat dinner and can sip my decaffeinated tea and watch the sunset, then go out and look at the stars. Not so much when I come home from work in the dark, or have to wake up before the sun.

* My normal response to pain is OTC painkillers and sleep until they take effect.

Tomorrow work should be busy -- I got a lunch seminar and a meeting with my advisor on 'where I am going with research**', and a lot of paper-writing and stuff.

** Basically, I'm done with one major project, unsure if I should pursue the other one further or just finish and publish, and suspect that I might need a third project to get enough dissertation writing material, but I'm going to ask my advisor. Also mention something someone mentioned to me at DPS about something I brushed over in my talk, and maybe calculating a lower limit on something. (Except I don't know -- or am not sure -- how. Maybe that, plus the F-ring feature thing that I'm helping Matt with, but is low on his priority list, would be enough stuff -- 'cept the F-ring stuff is Matt's project, and I'm just giving him the data from my data set to add to the data he has.)

I'm home today. Not really intentional but this morning, my lower digestive system decided it was going to gum up the works and make me feel like I was going to have to expel everything from the other end. I'm better now, after spending the better part of 3-4 hours either in the bathroom, curled up feeling sick, or asleep*, but this is part of a long line of annoying minor complaints I've had for the past two weeks.

Though, there is something. I had my yearly blood test last week. Since I'm on anti-anxiety drugs, the psychiatrist wants to make sure any feelings of moodiness, anxiety, depression or lack of energy (not to mention the side effect of feeling sleepy) were due to a busted brain and 15 mg of Lexapro, rather than everything else, I have to get blood drawn yearly. Except the only time this actually happened was when I was first medicated in '07. In between, the lab started testing Vitamin D levels.

Yesterday, I got a call from the nurse noting that my Vitamin D levels were low, and could I please come in next week to consult? I figure this is probably a mix of me not drinking milk and the fact I'm not eating as much fish as I used to. On the other hand, one website says as little as 10 minutes in sunlight should give me enough Vitamin D, assuming my body isn't breaking the parts that make it. Especially considering I have fair skin.

Before then, I hit up google for Vitamin D deficiency in adults. Rickets is what happens in kids, and it's apparently a lot less fun in people who are trying to grow bones than people who just need to maintain them. Adults just start bone softening, and are at increased risk of osteoporosis later on. Also, apparently you get pain from this, and fatigue. It would be really nice if the aches and pains were just from 'crappy diet' and would clear up if I start taking a multivitamin.

Bah, all my bitching about health makes me sound like an old woman. I'm not even thirty yet.

* Sleep is generally how I deal with feeling crummy, unless it's too crummy to sleep.

I'm starting to discover the causes of my occasional insomnia. Basically a mix of anxiety* and irregular sleep patterns. Two nights ago, it was anxiety. Last night, irregular sleeping -- I fell asleep after dinner, so it took me over an hour to fall asleep for the night. Both of these should be correctable with effort.

Also, I think I'm turning into my mother, in that displacing myself to the living room to sleep for a couple of hours, only to wander back to the bedroom, seems to help.

* Usually compounded if I forget to take my meds.

Also, someone needs to tell my father that he's allowed to email me for reasons other than shameless self-promotion. I sent him an email when my computer broke about that, and trying to chat, but most of the emails he sends me are links about him making the news.

Today, he was mentioned in a NYT article about a bombing suspect. Dad studies a chemical that's commonly manufactured as a bathtub explosive. Mostly because it's the type of thing you can make with stuff from the drugstore, and is terribly nasty -- it was the explosive used in the 2005 London bombings. Which means he gets occasional news mentions as an Expert, and the occasional local piece as Chemist Fights Terrorists with Science~!

You know, it's funny, but I can be incredibly inspired by what I think are other people's bad ideas. Sometimes to rant, other times to get my own. Shame it doesn't extend to writing things. I have a lot of worldbuilding ideas, but never do anything with them plot-wise. I think it's a bit intimidating to find a story in them.

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Cornell is suffering an outbreak of Swine Flu. I just got an email saying a student died and reminding folks to take precautions*. My adviser is out sick, and one of the undergrads in our research group said that she was out sick with flu earlier this week.

This is not helping my own paranoia.

* Stay home, call the health center if you have this list of complications or are at risk for complications. According to our undergrads, the professors are really pushing the 'stay home so you don't give the class the flu'. This is rather a change from normal -- I attended at least one college class with strep throat when I was an undergrad. (Granted, if I asked, I could have probably given the professor a note from the health center, but it was a lab course.)

Ugh. I feel like I have chills and muscle pains, which is usually the first sign I have the flu. Then again, I also have had what I called 'creeping crud' -- enough symptoms to make me feel sick without developing anything obvious. Usually a sign my immune system has things well in hand.

I'll take today off to rest, and then see where I am.

So, apparently mentioning to your psychologist that you spent half of a week not doing much of anything because leaving the house was too much hassle gets you an appointment with the psychiatrist to check your meds. Who knew?

So, yeah, been feeling lethargic lately, and my psychologist thought it might be depression. Once I get going on a project or get to my office, I'm mostly okay, but it takes a major kick in the ass to get me going. That and I've been falling asleep when bored, even if I've only been up for 2 hours*, or it's 7 PM.

The psychiatrist doesn't want to increase my meds, because the stuff makes me drowsy, which is none so good when trying to stop someone from being lethargic. There's another type of anti-depressant, but the psychiatrist hesitates to keep me on two different drugs at the same time unless that's really the only thing that works. So we get to try non-pharmacutical methods first.

So, I'm supposed to start getting up at a regular time every day (even weekends), switching my alarm clock to the annoying beeping if I have to. And no naps before noon or after dinner. I'm trying to debate whether I should just shift my schedule to wake up and go to bed later, or just only stay up late occasionally and cope with being sluggish the next day. The problem is that if I get up later, I won't move my work back later, since I don't like working after dinner. I could do my normal morning routine quicker, I suppose. I might see if I can get into the habit of not taking more than two hours before heading to work -- if I can get out of the door in an hour, then getting up later would be an option. (And I could stay up late to play with people every day of the week.)

I'm also supposed to exercise regularly, even if it's just DDR, and use the lightbox that normally only gets brought out in the winter. It's been kind of cloudy and stormy recently, so that could be influencing my mood.

My psychiatrist authorized all of you to help kick my ass on this subject. (Yes, seriously -- okay, she only said that I should get my friends to help remind me, but you guys are my friends, right?)

* And had tea with breakfast.

My program won't run on my computer at home. I have a suspicious-looking mole that I need to get checked out, that happens to be in a place such that I really want to see a female dermatologist about it*. I've been having headaches for the past couple of days. My laptop overheats if I try to do anything more complicated than check my mail. I am behind on my fic-writing, since I want to write at everything that isn't the fic I swore I'd finish this month. Last night, I had insomnia, and I don't know if it was stress related, or the fact I had tea later in the evening than I normally do.

* No, I don't know how I get a mole in a place that never sees sun. Blind Luck.

If it wasn't for the fact I have a research meeting today, I think I'd just stay home. Today is shaping up to be foul.

Sorry, I haven't been blogging much. My life is just being average. I'm getting ready for a conference next week -- I still have to finish my talk, and buy some nicer shirts to wear. (And maybe either capris or skirts that fit -- I have one set, and I probably shouldn't wear jeans. On the plus side, the highs are supposed to be in the 70s, so I could probably get away with pants.)

On the way down (to Virginia Beach), our group is road-tripping it. Eight hours with four scientists (me, my advisor, another grad student and a postdoc) in the car -- this can only be trouble. When I get there, I'm sharing a hotel room with an undergrad from Wellsley whose advisor is friends with mine. (I met this student once -- she was considering Cornell as a grad school, but ended up going elsewhere.)

Diet is 'meh' -- I've been hovering around the same weight for a month or so. My love of vegetables is being balanced by my love of sweets and free food. I've taken to eating* roasted veggies, which are yummy. Though next time, I think I need to add some carbs to the veggies and chicken so I don't get hungry and have a bowl of cereal three hours later. (I got rice. Rice is good.)

* Okay, I had it for dinner today

In related cooking matters, I discovered that if you place a piece of Pyrex glass -- like, say a casserole dish placed under a roasting pan to catch drips -- that has been sitting in a 375° oven for 25 minutes directly into a sink with cold water in it, the glass will shatter. Impressively. In retrospect, the fact I got an A in Thermal Physics probably should have clued me in that this was a Bad Idea. At least, if I didn't want to buy a new casserole dish. It was a great idea to see physics in action.

I'm out of things to say.

Oh, wait! Swine flu! I used it as an excuse to restock my medicine cabinet, and buy some staples In Case of Generic Disaster*. Not terribly worried, though -- I figure the supplies are good to have on hand anyway, since I'm prone to headaches and allergies.

* Read: pasta, chicken broth and toilet paper. Probably should add in some Instant Soup and Cans of Stuff that couldn't be eaten by people feeling icky. (Especially since there's instant Thai Curry soup that tastes wonderful when I have a cold, probably because I can actually breathe after I eat it.)

It's just a cold, though. It does mean I've been eating a lot of soup and ice cream, my favorite comfort foods when sick. I discovered Taste of Thai puts out a nice instant soup -- lemongrass curry with rice noodles. The package says it's medium-spciy, but I haven't found it to be that bad. It's got a bit of heat to it, but not in an overwhelming way, and it's got a very savory taste.

Anyway, need some help from you all. Anime club is looking for stuff to show next year, and I want to suggest some things. I've already gone through things I've seen or started, but I'd like some new things. So, anyone know any good anime series?

(A note: We can't show hentai, so don't suggest that. We're also limited to things that have been licensed, thanks to Cornell's legal office coming down on us -- the anime makers are usually happy to give us permission, since it leads to better publicity for them.* There's also a list of titles we can't show, because they were shown during previous years.)

* Except Studio Ghibli films. Apparently the Mouse wants several hundred dollars to show an English-subtitled Miyazaki film in public.

Due to an absence of busing I ended up skipping anime club. While I was hanging out at home, the lens popped out of my glasses and somehow managed to disappear, despite the fact I was sitting at my desk on the computer. While I was going to go to the Stitch and Bitch the Women's Center was putting on, now I better get a new set of glasses (or see if they have a replacement lens for the ones I have).

And I just realized I forgot to get the vision and dental part of my insurance forms filled out last year*, so that means the damn thing is an out-of-pocket expense. Not that I can't afford this**, but, well... (note to self -- the next time you get forms, fill them out. Also do your damn taxes.)(4)

* Mostly because the forms got sent to my mother's house, so by the time she mailed them to me, I had forgotten about them and they were nearly due. Yeah, yeah, I know -- I'm bad.

** Surprisingly, I am pretty well-off for a grad student. Probably because I'm in the sciences, an introvert, single***, don't drive and don't drink.

*** Pros and cons here. Two incomes would be nice, but you have to get a job for the trailing spouse/SO, in a town full of trailing spouses, many of whom are quite bright and well-trained. Plus many, many college students, who are also quite bright and less trained, but want something to do for beer money.

(4) I always wonder how much eyeglasses savings (and things for routine maintenance like dental check-ups) there is for insurance. Since the idea is that the insurance company is essentially taking your premium and investing it, and betting that the people who have Horrible Diseases and Emergency Surgery cropping up will be covered by the masses who are pretty healthy. But routine stuff is a near-certainty, so the insurance company can't spend that much more than people pay in(5). I wish I knew more about finance -- my knowledge being limited to high-school economics is what prevents me from taking opinions on economic matters.

(5) Not that I'm saying I shouldn't get dental and vision insurance. I had eye surgery as a kid, which means that I'm aware of Horrible Diseases and Emergency Surgery. But that I wonder how good it is for dental visits when it isn't just 'here, you get it as part of your job' rather than 'you have to pay extra for it'.

Wow, lots of footnotes. I'm rambling, that means.

I have about an hour left to work. I can't leave early, because there is a grad student meeting at five. And, yet, there's nothing for me to do right now -- I have a lot of ideas, but want to bounce them off of my group, and everyone's been out of town for the last couple of weeks. I could be writing up my notes on the scheme Matt suggested to me to measure light scattered off of the rings, since that's looking to be nearly publishable. (Huzzah!) Perhaps I'll do that after I post this.

Still working on an Science! post. Might finish typing up that tonight. I've been keeping a list of things to do in the evenings, lest I end up vegging out in front of the computer. Or worse, taking a nap after dinner and then end up staying up til one in the morning. Already I've been sleeping in later than I normally do (8 AM) because it's nice to get up when the Sun is shining. If the Sun is shining, I mean. I do live in Ithaca.

Anyway, I think I've been actually doing stuff in the evening, besides Final Fantasy IV and RPing online. Like, art and writing and stuff. I'd like to continue that.

Oh, I replaced my DDR game at the game store, so now I'm exercising. And my mother is going to me for diet advice, which is weird. Mostly because we started on our health adventures at about the same time, and I'm doing better than her. (Well, she'd always say that one should get to a stable, healthy weight when one was young, since one's metabolism drops as one ages. I don't know if that's true.) Mostly in my case it's 'don't eat pounds of sweets' and 'don't eat a whole bag of pretzels in one sitting'. It does remind me that I need popcorn salt -- air-popped popcorn tends to be the distillation of two of my 'Snack Food Groups', 'crunchy stuff' and 'salty stuff', while not having that much else to it.

I've been moody recently. Possibly because I've been bad about taking my meds. I have an anxiety disorder, and generally unless I take my meds, I get this kind of bull-in-a-china-shop feeling when in any sort of social situation, that any sort of action is going to break something. Yeah, this ain't fun, and it's usually distinct from my PMS symptoms (which is mostly just crying at anything). On the plus side, I don't get any of the other fun symptoms of SSRI withdrawal, the anxiety just comes back and if I try to restart, I go through a week of being tired, just like when I first went on the meds.

( Anyway, my weekend was fun. )

Also, on Friday, I am sending out Christmas cards. If you want one, comment and check to see if I have your address.

So, this conversation was spawned by talking to kuchehexe and yuuo on disabilities, and about reading posts on the anti-vaccination movement*. All three of us have our problems -- Zanne and Jen can share theirs if they like, but as for me, I have Asperger's Syndrome (an autistic spectrum disorder) and an anxiety disorder, and am also moderately near-sighted in one eye, and lack binocular vision.

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So, I have suddenly taken up 'sleeping' as my next hobby.

No, don't ask. It's just suddenly my body seems to think that 10+ hours is perfectly reasonable. I'm going to have to start enforcing reasonable bedtimes and wake-up times for myself. Yes, even on weekends.

I'm also catsitting -- since I don't drive, it means bringing the cat to me, rather than going to the cat. Currently, I have Dr. H's cat, who was brought over by my advisor -- Dr. H and her husband being in Italy for the month. My advisor had been watching the cat, but he's in Boston for the week, so he passed the duty off to me. He was supposed to drop her off sometime between 9 and 10 AM yesterday. I waited around til around 12, then had to head in to work for a 12:30 meeting. After the meeting, my advisor came by and said he managed to show up just after I left, and that he left the cat and her stuff outside my apartment door. Needless to say, I was on the next bus home to get the cat put of her carrier -- he had left food and water for her, but she was quite unhappy about the whole state of affairs. I was just relieved none of my neighbors had called the cops on 'some strange guy left a cat in a carrier outside our neighbor's place, and she's being loud'.

The cat has also already managed to knock over one of my houseplants. Yay vacuuming up dirt.